


Ghosts of the Past

by colorfulsounds_changingmoods



Category: Chronicles of Prydain - Lloyd Alexander, The Black Cauldron (1985)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 21:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3426200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorfulsounds_changingmoods/pseuds/colorfulsounds_changingmoods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taran hasn't seen Eilonwy for two years, and their breakup still weighs heavily on his chest. When he meets her unexpectedly at a party, their relationship of the past is reevaluated and old wounds are opened back up. (Modern!Taranwy AU I wrote for a Tumblr prompt)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghosts of the Past

Parties weren’t really  _his thing_.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like them, per se, but there were so many other things he would rather be doing. He could only keep up so many conversations about what was going on in his life before he had to make up an excuse and head back to his flat. But until he reached that point, he would simply have to grin and bear it.

The parties which he actually attended were few and far between, and tonight happened to be one of those rare occurrences. Gwen had shown up at the door of his flat a few hours ago with invitations and her mind made up not to leave until he agreed to go with her. It was her strong belief that he was spending ‘far too much time alone for any sane person’, and it was time for him to actually do something fairly social. He had tried to argue that a party was more than  _fairly_ social, but any objections he had managed to come up with had been discarded so quickly that it became pointless to argue with his best friend any further.

Several hours and a few cordial conversations later, Taran stood off to the side of the sitting room, chuckling lightly as he caught Gwen blushing next to a tall stranger. Leaning his back against the wall, he tossed back the last of his drink, enjoying the pleasant numbing sensation that was slowly building.

“Taran?”

 _Oh_. That voice…oh god. It was like a punch to the gut, hearing his name spoken by that voice.  _Her_ voice. Any pleasant feeling that had been there moments ago was now replaced by his stomach twisting itself in knots. Slowly, he turned his head to where the voice had come from to his left, stopping when his gaze came to rest on the speaker.

 _Eilonwy_.

How long had it been? Who was he kidding; he knew  _exactly_  how long it had been. Two years as of next month. Oh how he wished he weren’t still counting the days, but he was, despite having told Gwen that he had entirely moved on. But how could he move on from  _her_? From the woman he had loved, and treasured and…lost. The reality of it all still stung more than any physical pain ever could. He had lost the one person that he had cared about more than anything else in the world, and it was  _his fault_.

And now here she was, standing in front of him in that stunning blue dress, her hair tucked into a neat bun. She still wore the same crescent necklace, and somehow that hurt too. He reminded himself over and over again not to panic— what had happened was his doing, and he had no right to feel sorry for himself. If all he could do was talk to her, then that would be enough for him.

“Eilonwy,” he felt his heart clench as her name rolled off his tongue, and he mentally kicked himself for sounding a little breathless. “What- what are you doing here? I mean, I’m sure you were invited. I don’t know why I asked that; it was a dumb question,” he rambled, glancing down at the floor.

Then she laughed-  _actually laughed_ , just like she used to, and he looked up. She had a hand covering her mouth, as if to hide the fact that she was so amused by his behavior, and when she dropped it to her side, a grin was left behind. It was incredible. Seeing her smile managed to simultaneously stir the butterflies in his chest and hurt like a knife.

“Sorry,” she apologized when her laughter subsided, her grin remaining in place. “I guess I missed your rambling a little,” her eyes widened fractionally, then, as if she had just realized exactly what she had said. But much to his surprise, she didn’t take it back. Instead, she leaned her shoulder up against the wall next to him. “So, how have you been?” she asked, looking genuinely interested in what he had to say. It was almost heartbreaking. No, scratch that- it was  _definitely_ heartbreaking.

Pulling himself together, Taran shrugged lightly, trying to come up with an answer that wasn’t ‘ _missing you and regretting everything_.’ “Oh you know, nothing too interesting. I got a new job as a fencing instructor,” he offered, pleased that he remembered to say something vaguely interesting.

“Really?” she chuckled, looking remarkably pleased with herself. “I always knew you would do something like that. Where do I collect?”

Taran couldn’t help but smile at that, the corner of his mouth turning upwards, “Yeah yeah, whatever, Ells,” the nickname slipped out before he could stop himself, and he froze.

He could see Eilonwy visibly tense, but she had never been one to let awkward moments last, so she brushed past it. “I really am happy for you, though,” she continued, sounding a little less casual than before.  _Damn it_ , Taran cursed himself for screwing up what might have been the first good thing to happen in a long time. “Its nice to hear that you’re doing well.”

“Yeah,” he smiled weakly, searching for some way to recover from his slip up. “What about you? Have you been…well?”

Offering him a brief smile, she nodded once. “Yes, I have. Things have been…nice, actually,” she glanced down for an instant, then back up at him. “So are you seeing anyone?”

The question threw him slightly off guard, but he did his best to keep from showing it outwardly. “Ah- no, no I’m not,” he told her, noting an odd look cross her face. He was finding it increasingly harder to maintain eye contact without feeling like the world was crumbling around him, but if this was the only chance he was going to get at seeing her again, then he was sure as hell not going to look away. “What about you?” he finally asked in return, dreading the answer.

“No,” she said simply, shaking her head. “I’ve been taking some time to sort out my own life, and its actually been really great.”

“Yeah, its been…great…,” he trailed off, the statement as far from believable as anything could be.

Silence fell over the two of them, and Taran bit lightly at his bottom lip, unsure of what to say or do next. Should they say goodbye now and carry on with their now separate lives? Would they talk again? Did he have  _any_ right to ask for that, let alone wish for it?

You know what? Screw this. He couldn’t go the rest of his life without saying something. Regardless of what happened after this, she needed to hear him say it. She deserved that, at the very least.

“Eilonwy,” he looked back at her, his eyes sad. “Would you…uh, would you step out into the hallway with me for a second? I just…I need to say something.”

She looked wary, but nodded in agreement, pushing herself off the wall and heading out into the hallway. They slipped through the door and out into the empty hallway, the raucous of the party now dropped to a dull murmur behind them. For a few seconds, they just stood facing one another, the silence from earlier starting to creep back in. But before that could happen again, Taran drew a deep breath, and spoke.

“I know that I don’t have a right to say this- to say  _anything_ , really. What happened…back then, it was  _my_  fault. I pushed you away, and I know its not the least bit fair of me, but I need to say something,” he broke off for a second, his heart thumping in his ears. “I’m sorry, Ells,” he didn’t bother to cover up the slight crack in his voice when he whispered her nickname again. “I  _did_  love you. I just…I needed to tell you something that would make you leave. Believe me— I wish I could go back and come up with another way to keep you safe, but…I was in trouble and I could never live with you getting hurt. I don’t care if I get hurt, but you? You were everything…you…you  _are_ everything.”

When he stopped talking, Eilonwy didn’t speak. It almost looked like she didn’t breathe, either. She only stood there, mouth slightly open and eyes wet with the threat of tears. Taran waited for something,  _anything_. A punch in the face, screaming, silence as she walked back into the party and out of his life- but none of that happened. Instead, the saddest of smiles appeared on her face, a few tears sliding down her cheeks. “I know,” she whispered, and if his heart wasn’t completely shattered before, it certainly was now.

“Oh…,” was all he could manage, his voice wavering. She had  _known_. All this time, she had known the truth.

Then she was stepping forward, and grabbing two fistfuls of his shirt, burying her head in his shoulder. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly to him. Tears fell down his own cheeks, and despite the fact that they were both crying in an empty hallway, he felt  _hope_  for the first time in two years.

And maybe, everything was going to be okay after all.


End file.
